Why I Do Not Like Reality

Yesterday's rehearsal was great - we worked with lights and sound cues, and everything was falling neatly into place.  Before rehearsal, I had come to the theater to refocus some lights with Rich for the scenes that take place in the aisles of the theater.  They have to be properly lit.

Today, I arrived at the theater at approximately eleven.  The interns were all there, minus Keihin.  I rushed at Sierra and said, "Please tell me Keihin is with Rich" (Rich was out mailing the post cards).  She said yes.  I promptly heaved an enormous sigh of relief and said, "Good.  I'm on such a precariously balanced knife right now, anything that goes wrong might cause me to convulse."  Sierra promptly took my hand, pulled me into the office, shut the door and said, "Well, then let me kill you."

Sierra's dad pulled her out of the show.  Apparently he read the script for Saved! and got REALLYREALLYREALLY angry.  Sierra says she thinks it's not so much about the content of the scene, but the fact that she didn't tell him ahead of time that the scene had racy content.  I don't really want to get into it on a blogpost - that's not fair to either Sierra or her father.  The point is, Sierra can't do the show.

It's amazing how the brain works.  When she pulled me into the office I knew exactly what she was going to say, and I couldn't even manage to think straight.  I don't know if I was blinded and numbed by sheer panic or if I was just in a state of shock, but it wasn't until I stared and stammered at a hammer for about five minutes that my brain started moving.  Literally, the thought process went something like this:

1) Sid and Cassie - Cassie = Amber
2) Saved! = cut
3) 10 Things I Hate About You = Alex
4) Dead Poets Society = not a big deal
5) Boys Will Be Girls = we'll figure something out.

As soon as those thoughts were cemented in my brain, I was able to properly articulate myself.  Sierra was so upset.  You can just tell when you meet her that Sierra's not a crier, but she was almost in tears when I was blathering on like an idiot.  I took her hand and assured her I wasn't mad.  "I'M mad," she said loudly.  "Well, I'm not mad at you," I repeated.  "This is totally outside of your control."

We decided that she's going to wait a day for her dad to cool down before trying to talk to him.  She'll play the 'I made a comitment' card.  Either way, Saved! is cut.  I know that there's no way her father will let her do the show if she has to do Saved!, and I can't possibly see anyone else doing the part as well as she does.  Besides, this just makes everything a lot less complicated, because that's one more role I don't have to scramble to recast.

Since Amber is homeschooled, I knew I could reach her.  I called her right away and told her the situation.  She agreed to do it.  Lines are such not a problem for her - she already practically had the scene memorized from watching it so much.

For Boys Will Be Girls, I am taking Whitlee's one line in the first section and then all of Sierra's lines go to Whitlee.  In 10 Things, Alex is going to be Sierra's part.  It gives Alex more stage time anyway.  In Dead Poets Society, Sierra's part is virtually nonexistant anyway.  She runs onstage at the end to join in the fun as the girls throw Amber's homework around.

Saved! being cut is a big blow though.  First of all, I feel really terrible since that's such a great scene, especially for Damien.  He had the role of the crazy Praise Jesus guy, which is so awesome to see him in (when I told him he had that role he said, "Alright, but I'm going to have to do some serious acting").  It's also just a good scene, especially since we've worked on it sosososososososososososososo much.  I hate that now it's cut.  I don't like the idea of cutting the most contraversial scene.

I should point out that in Saved!, while it IS a bit racy, it isn't something as drastic as having sex on stage or ANYTHING close to that area.  The term "hot pussy" is thrown around a couple times.  That is honestly as bad as it gets.  The problem is, we were mixing religion in with sexuality, which pisses people off.  This would have been SUCH A GOOD SCENE because religion vs. sexuality is something teenagers have to think about ALL THE TIME, and the theme of the scene night IS youth!!!!

And it was FUNNY.  HONESTLY.

But now it's cut altogether.  It was weird, as soon as everything had been settled and the back up plan had been confirmed, I allowed myself to panic and wallow and whine.  My first concern was that it was going to look crazy unprofessional.  I know that sudden last-minute changes have a tendency to look that way.

But today we worked the kiss scene with Amber and Daryon.  Poor Amber.  She was so nervous.  I'm asking a lot from her.  It's her first kiss scene ever.  And she has to jump in FOUR DAYS BEFORE THE SHOW OPENS.  But, to her credit, she did a really great job.  I said straight away that I don't want to recreate what Daryon and Sierra had, I want to make it something different.  While Sierra's action had been 'to entice' Daryon, Amber's action is now 'to test' Daryon.  Her time with him is like a test to see if he'll actually be serious about their budding relationship this time.  He fails, unfortunately, in order to help out a friend, but it looked really good with that action.

Alex did fine with the lines in 10 Things, and Boys and Girls went over pretty smooth.  I told the actors who have new lines that the lines have to be memorized by tomorrow.  It's jolting, but very possible.

Every moment that I was at the theater I was reminded of the situation.  Ben Gorman did the programs and I had to email him to alert him that Saved! was cut.  He came with a draft of the program.  I had to make the decision whether to take Sierra's name out of the program altogether or to keep it in there.  In the end, I sent Ben the information for an inserpt.  Maybe this is just wishful thinking or maybe it's sending out positive vibes, but I am keeping Sierra's name in there.  Besides, I want to give credit where credit is due.  She worked REALLY REALLY hard on these scenes, and I want the audience to know that we still think of her as one of our actors.  If it turns out she really can't do the show, we'll add in the inserpt that other actors are playing her part.

I so did not want to have to deal with this.  A part of me wanted to crawl into a cave and whine.  It's not that I even have enough in me to cry - I just want to whine with frustration.  Once or twice I teared up today with utter irritation.  I AM ANNOYED AT THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT, BUT I AM GRINNING AND BEARING IT AND LOOKING FORWARD.

I always forget to address this question that you advisors had talked about before, the 'what's next' question of our journals.  I suppose the answer to that is to pull together a show that has just taken a major fall.  Yes, it will be fine, yes it will look fine, but no part of me wants this whatsoever.  I just wish for Sierra's sake that she could do the show.  I know it meant a lot to her and she worked so hard.  ):

What's next?  Reality.